Hide behind your mask
by Lady Bellatrix Black Lestrange
Summary: Set the night before the battle of Hogwarts, Bellatrix ramblings over her life and her true feelings. The woman she is inside, not the Death Eater on the surface. Bella's POV.


I sit at the desk in my room at my sister's home. It's lovely here, the sunlight is streaming in through the large windows in the room that's been mine for the last four years. I've opened the balcony door's despite the cold february air that swirls into the room. I don't like the air to be stale, after fourteen years in a cell with no window, clean air is a gift from the Gods.

How long have I been sitting here tapping my quill on my clean parchment, an hour, two, maybe three? I don't know, time isn't important anymore. I glance down at the paper on my desk, I should have wrote a novel by now the amount of times I've sat here this over the last few days. But not a single word has inked my paper. What do I have to say? What would you, dear reader like to know? The ramblings of a Death Eater? The confessions of a madwoman? All those would be great for you to read would they not? The picture you already have of me would be complete if I was to pour out my crazy, my insane, my madness onto this paper for the world to see.

But alas dear reader, I am more than such. I am a sister, an auntie, a wife, a daughter and a servant to a man who has already signed my death warrant. Tomorrow the battle of Hogwarts commences, and I know I am walking to my death, as are we all. I'll go down fighting as is expected of me, the most loyal of the Dark Lords Death Eaters, his right hand woman, his most trusted servant, names and titles you have given me, not I myself. Names I wear with pride and honour, I have suffered much for the cause I believe in, and the Mark upon my arm is my blinding fate. I am tied now to the fate of my Lord, and I know, in my heart he will fail.

It's funny that one such as I should be so calm in the face of death, but calm I am. I feel no fear, only a certain sense of loss. My life and all it's events have led me to this, to the day I take my last breath, wand in hand. I am a warrior, a fighter, a bringer of pain and death. A dark angel my lovely Narcissa calls me. Even just writing her name makes my heart ache. My sweet Cissy, my gentle and innocent princess. I never told her enough times how much I love her, how much she means to me. How her smile still makes my heart skip in my chest. I should tell her now, before I lose my chance forever.

How do I start such a speech? I think I'll begin with I love you my pet. My sweet angel don't mourn me my love, let me go and bury me with black roses and tales and whispers of our love in the dark of the night. You'll always be my girl, my best friend, my soul mate. No one could ever compare to you, Cissy. Not even the Dark Lord himself, only you could ever chase away the darkness, only you could see me at my most vulnerable. No other, darling. Just you. The memory of your lips and your kisses will come with me to the after life, if there is such a place. I'll forever carry you in my heart, my one link of light. I am so very proud to call you my sister, my lover, my everything.

The tears have clouded my vision now, who knew written goodbyes were so hard.

I have no one else to say goodbye to, my nephew I fear may fall with me, I dare to hope he does not. He's a good boy and part of me wishes he had never been dragged into this war, I hope the end for him if it comes is quick.

The last of my tears have been shed, from this moment on I have to be Bellatrix Lestrange the Death Eater, not Bella Black the woman. We all hide behind a mask, protecting what's really inside. Hiding our so called weaknesses from the eyes of others. Are you guilty of such dear reader? I know I am.

I have nothing else to say, there's no more words. Just the steady sound of my own beating heart. Whatever side you fought for, whoever you are, I salute you.

Faithfully,

Bellatrix Black Lestrange.

-X-

No one else saw the crumpled piece of parchment fall from Bellatrix Lestrange's hand as Molly Weasley's curse hit her in the chest. It fluttered to the floor unseen by all except one. Coffee colour eyes watched as the dark witch froze, her almost black eyes wide in both pain and shock, another curse and she was gone. Like she'd never been.

Hours later, a hand reached into a pocket where a piece of crumpled parchment was tucked away. Carefully those hands unfolded the slightly ripped and tatted paper. Coffee eyes read the words that only a day before Bellatrix had written, those same eyes filled with tears and an ache appeared in the girls heart. On opposite sides they may have been, but Hermione sent a silent prayer to whoever was listening that Bella Black would find peace.


End file.
